13 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was Younger
Over the last year I don’t even know how many times I’ve said, “Man, if had know that when I was younger.” Luckily, I have younger sisters that I can try to pass this knowledge onto now though and hope that it helps them in some way. It’s better late than never to learn though. So, no matter your age, I hope this post speaks to you.
Here we go. Here are the 13 things that I wish I knew when I was younger. A reminder - these are my personal feelings, thoughts, and opinons.
1) It’s more than ok to say no.
This seems so simple, but when we are younger, we feel like it’s not. We might say yes to an event that we really don’t want to go to or agree with something that we truly don’t agree with. We might do things for people that aren’t deserving or that are actually taking advantage of us. Many different scenarios are often presented to us, and we feel obligated to say yes. But why? And for who? To be liked? For them? Why?
This is something that even as we get older, many of us still struggle with.
The anxiety that I had, and have, was drastically reduced when I started just saying no. We are not obligated to do things that do not align with our higher selves, that drain us, that make us feel uncomfortable, etc. I know we’ve all heard the saying “step outside of your comfort zone” – but that doesn’t mean do things that take away our energy and dim our light. Stepping outside of your comfort zone and saying yes to things that give you energy and make you feel good are things we should entertain.
Never feel bad about saying no. You have to protect your own peace. And a reminder – your no doesn’t need an explanation.
2) Taking the non-traditional route is more than ok.
As a young woman I thought that I needed to graduate high school, go to college, get married by 24, have kids by 25-26, have a high-paying job that I got with my nice college degree, be living in a house that I bought, etc. I also thought that my dream in life was to be a mom.
Man did all that change.
I am from a small town where it’s normal to graduate from high school and get married so quickly (and often to someone you graduated with). I knew that I was meant for more, I never felt at home there, but I wasn’t sure what the more was. I still am not sure what it is.
What I do know is that there are different paths for different people. We create our own paths, and we take them.
For me, I had no idea I was going to be traveling across the world and be 31 with no kids. 31 with no kids and the thought that maybe I won’t have any.
What is right for someone else doesn’t have to be right for you, and most of the time – it’s not.
Your focus should be on how you feel, what makes you happy, what works best for you and your life – not on trying to check off all of the things on the imaginary “This is What I’m Supposed to Do in Life” list.
Feel. As I always say – Feel and follow. Follow and feel.
3) You have options: college, student loans, and career.
Student Loans are not the only option.
Duh, right? Well, no. I was the first person in my family, on all sides, to go to a big university and to receive a 4-year bachelor’s degree. That wouldn’t have been possible without student loans – or at least that’s what I thought. I just thought it was part of the process. Apply for college, get accepted, fill out the FAFSA. I didn’t know there was another way. None of that was really explained to me. We weren’t taught about interest rates, loans, debt, and all that in high school. Not to the extent to where I knew what I was getting into. It’s just sad honestly. If I could do it over and still chose to go to college – I would seek a financial advisor to discuss and weigh my options. One of those options being not going to college at all.
College is not the only option.
I went into college undecided on my major. I went because I thought that if I wanted to get a good paying job – I had to. I thought I didn’t have any other options. In reality – I could’ve had the same jobs that I had from 2009-2016 without a college degree and without student loan debt. Maybe I wouldn’t have gotten the job that I have now, but I also might not be in the same field had I known what my interests were going to be as I got older.
Now, because of my student loan debt, going back to school for something that really interests me – is out of the question.
I think my mindset now is – I would rather pay for courses and programs on subjects that interest me and would excel me in the fields that I really want to be in versus taking out all those loans to go to school and gaining nothing more than being able to write that I have a degree on my resume. The fact that that even holds weight anymore is so wild.
I don’t believe I learned much in those courses that I took in college. I know not everyone feels that way, but I do. Everything that I learned in school was to pass a test. Everything that I use now in my job, was learned in the real world during real life situations.
There are people that I know that make more money than I do that didn’t go to college. There are also people that I know that are insanely intelligent, learn easily, and are highly skilled; but most employers won’t give them a second or even a first look because they didn’t go to college.
At the end of the day this really highlights the problems with the cost of higher education. Had I not gone the down the same road, I may be a different person today. That’s something I wouldn’t necessarily want. So, there’s a positive in it all.
Working for someone else is not the only option.
Something else I wish I would’ve known or been told earlier in my life is that I don’t have to work for someone else. I could work for myself. I could start my own business.
In high school we prep for college, in college we prep to get a job to work for someone else, and then we start working for someone else (in a lot of cases), and that’s it. We ladder climb, and we give all our energy to someone else. We give all our energy into making someone else money.
I would’ve loved to know and learn more about entrepreneurship at a younger age. In time for it to be an option for me instead of college or instead of jumping into working five days a week for the man.
It’s never too late though. There are challenges we face as we get older, such as financial, but learning never stops. Even though my younger self didn’t have this knowledge, my older self does. And what I do with that now will make all the difference.
4) Our parents don’t always know best.
This is going to be a tough pill for a lot of parents to swallow. It’s a hard truth. As we grow up, our parents are right there guiding us through life. Then one day, we leave the nest and experience life and its challenges on our own. We develop our own ways of thinking and problem-solving. There are major are generational differences that sometimes our parents cannot understand. Things change as the world grows and advances. We have to do what works best for our own lives. Even if that means going against their advice and opinion. That’s the beauty of having our own mind.
We are also often the ones that end up teaching our parents about life and helping them grow.
5) Less is more.
In my early college years all I wanted to do was buy new things. I always wanted new clothes. That was my thing at the time. Then one day it was time for me to move from one apartment to the next, and the new apartment was 492-sq ft. Needless to say – I had to purge.
I picked up this book called The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing. Two of the key things that stuck with me from this book were keeping only what brings me joy and getting rid of anything that doesn’t make me feel good. In the end, I would be surrounded by only things that I needed and that brought me joy. This meant getting rid of clothes I didn’t need or love. This also meant, for me, getting rid of any old photos that reminded me of times in life that I didn’t feel good about myself or anything else.
Through this process I became a bit of a minimalist. I’ve been this way ever since. I would rather have experiences than have things. I would rather be surrounded by things that I love, enjoy, and that have meaning versus having a bunch of random things that are there just to fill up space.
6) Health is wealth.
I’m not sure why the “drink more water” trend just started over the last couple of years. I remember a time when I drank Coke and Sunkist… gross. I can’t even believe it. I used to never drink water. Like, ever. I hated it. Now I understand the importance and what those other drinks can do to the body. Now my drink arsenal consists of water, tea, coffee, and green juices. I use one of those time motivation water bottles, and that really helps (I’ll link the one I have below). I also gave up fast food about 8 years ago. I will admit, I do have Chick-fil-a sometimes now, but I live in the home of it! It’s all about balance. When we cook or eat at home – we eat mostly organic.
Another healthy habit that I wish I would’ve started earlier is finding a daily physical activity that I can easily stick with. At this stage in my life I’ve found that a daily yoga practice works best for me, and I love it. However, I never worked out or did yoga until I was maybe 25. I never needed to. I am still easing into regular cardio.
Health is truly wealth. I think a lot about getting older and how I want to be able to enjoy my life for as long as I possibly can. In order to do that – the focus on health has become increasingly important. The earlier you can make that shift, the better.
7) Be yourself.
It sounds like a no-brainer, like something we hear all the time, but the truth is – when you’re young you just want to fit in and be accepted.
I’ve always been introverted on the surface. I once had a friend that was very extroverted. She thrived off my discomfort in almost any social situation. It made her feel better about herself. To her and to others I was looked at and treated like something was wrong with me. When I was quiet, sitting back, observing yet having a good time I was questioned – What’s wrong with you?
I’m not sure why or what exactly caused my thought process to change, but one day I just decided that there was nothing wrong with being me. I decided that if other people were uncomfortable with my introversion or with me being quiet, then that’s their problem – not mine. I think that The Power of Introverts Ted Talk helped also.
This was a true transformation moment for me. For the first time in my life I realized that there was power in being an introvert, in being who I was. I realized that not only was it not a problem, not only was I not missing or lacking something, but instead I felt my own power, and I stepped into the light.
I always use this example. Imagine pretending to be someone else, to be something else, to like something you don’t like, to say you believe in things that you don’t believe in, etc. Imagine you pretend to like and be those things just to fit in; and then someone falls in love with you. They fall in love with the image you created, the version of you that isn’t really you. Then a whole can of worms will eventually open. But imagine being yourself, loving yourself, being unapologetically you (no matter who it makes uncomfortable) – then someone falls in love with the real you. Then they give you the love that you gave yourself. That’s peace.
8) Seeking validation from others does you no good.
In a world where social media is king – this is so tough. When I was younger social media wasn’t what it is today. It’s even harder now to be a teenager or young adult growing up with social media and the unrealistic pressures that it creates.
I didn’t love myself in my early 20’s. I didn’t respect myself. I was seeking attention, affection, and validation from outside of myself in order to feel good. The truth is – it didn’t help, it didn’t make me feel good. It caused more problems than anything.
Being told we’re this or that gives us a temporary high. Looking within ourselves, finding self-love, and having self-care practices that create a true confidence is long-lasting.
9) Longevity in relationships doesn’t matter.
Let me say that again. Longevity, in friendships or romantic relationships, doesn’t matter. You could be friends with someone for 20 years, in a relationship for 15 years, if the relationship isn’t healthy – it doesn’t matter. The quality of the relationship is what matters. Being in a toxic or draining relationship for years and years is not something to be proud of. Quality over quantity. Period.
10) Let go of what no longer serves you.
This goes hand in hand with #9. Let go of what no longer serves you. If that relationship or friendship is toxic, if it’s draining you, if it makes you feel sad or depressed, if it doesn’t feel good anymore – let it go. It’s helping no one by holding on, forcing it, or staying in a situation that is not adding to your life in any positive way. Yes, it’s hard to imagine a life without something we’ve grown so used to, so comfortable with, but if it is not serving you, it has to be let go in order to make room for people and things that do serve you.
11) Heartbreak is not the end of the world.
I say this often – heartbreak is one of the things that made me. It’s one of the things that has shaped me into who I am today. When you experience heartbreak – it’s devastating. It’s earth-shattering. It makes you physically ill. But it is also cleansing. After the mourning of the love and the relationship (which you should take as much time as you need regardless of those that tell you to “stop thinking about it” or “get over it”), the smoke clears. And the cleansing of the heart and soul gives us an opportunity to dig deeper and in a lot of cases – find ourselves. It’s a chance to start fresh and get to know yourself again.
12) Things happen for a reason.
Cliché, I know. But they really do. I have been through so many things in my life thus far. There were times that I had no idea how I would get through, but I did. So many times that I asked myself – Why me? When we are young, we experience things for the first time and often spend so much time just trying to make sense of it all. In all those situations, life experiences (good or bad) – something followed. Something that shaped me. Something that changed me.
For example – I used to have a cat named Kiki. I had Kiki for 16 years. He went to college with me, moved apartments with me, grew up with me, etc. In 2013, I went to Paris for 10 days. That was the longest we had ever spent apart. The stress of me being gone caused an underlying illness to take over Kiki’s body. He died shortly after I returned home. I didn’t know what to do with myself. He was my security blanket, my best friend. But what followed his death? Studying abroad in India in 2014; traveling to Hawaii and Italy in 2016; followed by Morocco, Japan, and Indonesia in 2017; and so on.
If he hadn’t passed – I’m not sure that any of my travels would’ve happened. This is just a small example, but a reminder that on the other side of anything you go through in life, there is something more. And if you let it, something that could be great for you.
13) Aging is a blessing.
I’m going to end the blog post with this one. Aging is blessing. Whew. I still struggle with this one, and I see my baby sister, at 19, struggle with it too. So, I want to talk about it. When we are young and beautiful with our little bodies and flat stomachs, eating whatever we want with no consequences – life is great, right? Then one day, especially as women, our hips get wider, we get stretch marks, we start to see a little hormonal belly, our skin isn’t as tight anymore – oh and don’t forget about the fine forehead lines that start to show. It’s sometimes shocking when we see ourselves start to change in such ways. It can also be hard to accept. We can’t recognize ourselves.
Something to think about is that not everyone gets to live long enough to see themselves grow and change. It is a blessing. It is a sign that you have lived. It is a reminder that your body has experienced life. These changes, this aging, it’s inevitable. But it doesn’t have to be something negative. Find the beauty and privilege in it in every stage of life.
You are beautiful. Your body, your face, the aging – tells the story of your life. Let it.
I hope that this post serves you well. It was a long one, I know. If you found it helpful, please share with someone you love. As mentioned above – I will link some of my self-care and wellness favs below.
Sending love as always,
Ellie
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